Special Offers

6 Strategies For Managing Anxiety (Reviewed)

Get intimate with our brand-new podcast Cracked Gets Personal . Subscribe for terrific episodes like What You Don’t Know About The Opiate Epidemic and How Illegal Drugs Saved Our Lives , readily available anywhere you get your podcasts.

So you’re stressed. The factor does not matter: Maybe you’re moving, possibly you lost your task, or perhaps you’ve been taking notice of the news for the previous year. The essential thing is that you discover a method to handle that stress and anxiety, since if you let it take control of it can consume your whole life and you’ll end up being a Satanist.

But how? There are a great deal of varying viewpoints, and it can be tough to understand who to trust. Thankfully, I’ve invested the last 30-ish years exploring with every kind of stress and anxiety management understood to guy, and I’ve discovered some things. The very first is that it’s me: I’m the one you can rely on. I’m the just one you can rely on. I discovered all this:

6

Becoming A Stoner

Test:

I smoked pot continuously from 2006-2012, and rarely for the previous 5 years.

Review:

Ah, Jeez. It depends, guy. It appeared like a quite clever service in college. I take no pride in stating I invested my university years stoned off my ass– I understand that does not make me alternative or edgy. I’m quite sure they provide scholarships for that now. I was never ever smoking cigarettes pot since it made me cool, I was cigarette smoking since it was the only method to turn my brain off at the end of the night. If I didn’t take a couple of tokes I ‘d lay awake for hours, looking at my ceiling, worrying about the paper I had due or whether That Girl From Con Law was making eyes at me or not.

For all those years, it worked terrific. I got the paper due in on time, made my proceed that woman from Con Law (did it work? A gentleman never ever informs. No), and even finished from a decent organization in an affordable number of years with a grade-point average I’m not from another location embarrassed of. I sang the applauds of smoking-up every day for years– up until 2012 hit, and out of goddamn no place my brain altered. Okay, perhaps absolutely nothing “altered,” however for some factor Obama’s 2nd term entirely eliminated my capability to unwind while stoned. Pot stopped treating my stress and anxiety and began worsening it over night. All of a sudden those once-soothing hits kicked my brain into fear overdrive, and rather of dropping off to sleep I began worrying about all my life options. And not in an efficient method, in a self-hating, paralyzed-with-guilt method. It was strange. And it took me permanently to give up, not due to the fact that I was addicted however due to the fact that I had actually bought many cool bongs. And I was incredibly addicted.

So, with couple of exceptions, I have not smoked pot in like 5 years. I miss out on how it utilized to feel however I think that part of my life is over. Due to the fact that it’s very legal now and that appears enjoyable to me, which draws.

Verdict:

Smoking pot is a fantastic method to prevent your issues till it suddenly quits working and all of an unexpected you need to handle your issues. If this takes place to you, ideally it will not remain in the middle of a separation or a relocation something? Sorry, pot cigarette smokers, for providing you something brand-new to be paranoid about.

Score: 5 from 10

5

Smoking Cigarettes

Test:

I smoked from 2005-2010, on and off ever since to be completely sincere.

Review:

I’ve talked about cigarette smoking prior to however it’s worth keeping in mind that the factor I initially entered into it was due to the fact that it was tension relief. Obviously, this was college once again, when I didn’t understand exactly what genuine tension even seemed like, so possibly it was due to the fact that I wished to appear like the sort of person who required tension relief since that would make me legitimate. This is certainly real of a minimum of among my good friends, who constantly composed tank tops and glared and grew a thick beard at whatever and aimed to persuade us that, at 21, he was currently greatly grizzled by the world’s horrible methods. The only factor that sentence does not explain me is since I could not grow a beard till most likely about 5 years from now, perhaps?

I’m persuaded that smoking cigarettes’s efficiency as a tension reducer has less to do with the nicotine (you do not even understand you’re “on” anything after about a week of routine puffing) however from the routine. You open a box, take out a thing, light it on fire, breathe in through it gradually, and after that look up at the sky through a significant haze of misty human exhaust fumes. Ah, yes. You’re on a (smoke) break. You simply require a couple of seconds of peace to consider exactly what a grizzled, overworked child of a bitch you are. You can go back to whatever it is you’re doing.

The apparent drawback is that it makes you seem like shit and is way more pricey than it must be. Cigarettes resemble junk food– they constantly seem like a smart idea up until 10 minutes after you indulge and you begin feeling your organs passing away inside you. Did I not point out that part? It’s remarkably unusual for cigarette smokers to raise that after each cigarette you can actually feel yourself passing away and I cannot think of why.

Verdict:

I cannot back this, despite the fact that I have half a pack of Pall Malls in my closet. Like as soon as every 2 months or so I’ll get actually stressed out about something and seem like a cigarette will assist, so I’ll smoke like 5 and resemble “Nope, didn’t assist” and return within and need to figure something else out. If I’m intoxicated and you use me a cigarette I’ll absolutely smoke it, due to the fact that I’m one of those fucking individuals. Here’s to me one day discovering my lesson, or possibly you finding out from it right now.

Relaxation Score: 3 from 10

4

Playing Violent Video Games

Test:

I began playing computer game when I was 8 and dropped in 2016.

Review:

Games are enjoyable! That’s why we call them “video games” (Latin for “An enjoyable thing to do with pals,” possibly, I dunno I simply made that up). They’re enjoyable due to the fact that they’re challenging. The issue is the enjoyable part of a video game. Sure, I when invested an hour strolling along the beach in Grand Theft Auto V, gazing into the sea and marveling at its majesty, however I was genuinely high at the time. Every second I’ve invested in computer game that hasn’t included me being inebriated has actually included strength and concentration, which are both the reverse of being “unwinded.”

That stated, I’ve discovered them reliable when I can mess around. A video game of Call Of Duty here, some “My Colony” over coffee. The 2nd I began getting drawn into some competitive element, or actually caring about my rating or whatever, it stopped being peaceful and began making me more stressed out. I was getting actually fired up and amped while sitting completely still. That cannot potentially be healthy for the very same factor shocking a soda can and setting it on a table is a bad concept: Things are just going to be great as long as nobody disrupts it.

I hear a great deal of individuals discover computer games unwinding, consisting of Frank Underwood on House Of Cards. I simply never ever did. I discovered them enjoyable and disruptive, however that’s various. If somebody else informs me that they assist them unwind and feel focused and tranquil and less tired out, exactly what am I going to state, “No”? “You’re lying”? Most likely, since I can be a confrontational, condescending jerk, however that does not make me.

Verdict:

I truly liked the Far Harbor growth in Fallout 4. And just recently I’ve discovered a video game or more of Overwatch to be an excellent method to invest a Saturday early morning. I think I lied about having actually stopped. I’m horrified of pissing off players since they’re imply on the web so …

Score: 8 out of 10

3

Drinking Tea

Test:

I’ve done this a lot however just when I’m actually desperate to unwind and nobody is around to see me.

Review:

Even though I have piercings and tattoos and am practically a far-leftist politically, I still cannot assist however turn my nose up at anything that strikes me as “hippie shit” which consists of drinking tea to unwind. I have no idea why. It’s a line I will not cross, and I have no great factor aside from that each time I attempt I burn the crap out of the top of my mouth and somebody using a hemp t-shirt aims to encourage me to offer Phish another opportunity.

So no, obviously it has actually never ever worked for me. Most likely due to the fact that relaxation is a frame of mind, and a routine that assists you attain that frame of mind just works if you think in it. And if you declare it works for you, I’m going to call you a witch. And if you’re not a witch, show it by not consuming this infant.

“But nobody might withstand consuming an infant!”

Funny. That’s precisely what a witch would state (Mate and inspect).

Verdict

Fuck tea and everybody who consumes it. I’m horrified of pissing off witches, so …

Score: 8 from 10

2

Meditation

Test:

I’ve attempted this a couple of lots times and prospered, like, 3 times? Possibly 4?

Review:

I’m going to entirely explode the impression of myself I develop because last entry and confess that not just have I attempted to practice meditation lots of times, however that it’s essentially the very best thing ever. When you really handle to reach a meditation “zone” where you’ve pressed out all your ideas and are active familiar with your self and location in deep space, it’s like all the very best parts of dropping acid minus the energy and prompt to work your jaw.

The drawback? I’ve handled to do it less than 5 times. Each time I’ve attempted to practice meditation, I’ve wound up resting on the flooring with my eyes closed and my back straight for 4 agonizingly long minutes prior to I quit and simply choose a walk or rest. One time I simply went to sleep, which was likewise good due to the fact that sleep is great, however it’s not precisely what I was opting for.

So the outcome is that this is hard. Like, truly hard– so difficult I’ve in fact quit on ever doing it once again. Male is it terrific.

Verdict: 11 from 10 *

*(however it’s likewise fucking difficult)

1

Therapy, Exercising, and Eating Healthy

Test:

Sporadically 4 to 10 years, and after that regularly for one and a half approximately.

Review:

It works! The catch– and it’s a huge one– is that it’s a financial investment. When things are bad and take pleasure in the quick relief that comes with admitting your tricks to a complete stranger, you cannot simply go as soon as or two times. You got ta keep going, and doing the work. Which can consume energy, time, and loan. It can likewise be truly dull and, periodically, seem like a wild-goose chase. Rick And Morty accomplished:

The Susan Sarandon part, anyhow. Whatever Pickle Rick states is precisely the example he need to be stating in treatment.

Here’s the rub, though: It’s everything about dedication. Many people disregard stress and anxiety and reduce it with cigarettes, beer, pot, and hippie bullshit. The essential part of stress and anxiety isn’t really simply discovering a method to mask it, it’s about altering practices and your daily life. And there’s no one-size-fits-all response. Checking out evaluations of coping systems is a wild-goose chase unless it assists you recognize that you need to attempt them all on your own and see what works. Due to the fact that all of us got ta look after ourselves. Particularly now. Otherwise the terrorists win.

Hail Satan.

Note: I didn’t consist of anti-anxiety medication due to the fact that I do not have sufficient experience with them to compose jokes that I might be sure would not be truly devastating suggestions. That’s exactly what remark areas are for if you have something to include on that subject. Calling me a libtard cuck.

JF Sargent is a senior editor for Cracked and the just one you can rely on. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-ways-handling-your-stress-tested/